jade in the parke

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

This was a surprise to me

Our son left for his second year of college. I wish I could say I felt similarly to when he left last year for his freshman year. There was such a deep sadness last summer replaced with pride and comfort that he was thriving.  

This year was tough. It reminded me of the rough transition that marred my parents' and my relationship for a bit as I learned to live with their house rules after the freedom of college. That rough transition came to visit me again this time not as a carefree college student with the bushy eyebrows, but as the parent. Interactions slipped into old ways of relating. Isn't is so true when one visits their parents' home as an adult, one can slip into old patterns that hearken back to their moody teen years?  A universal truth. 

This summer was not easy for any of us. I lay in bed the morning after he left for his sophomore year grieving over the summer. Hitting roadblocks as a mom who wanted productivity and a bit of relationship thrown in struggling with a young man who wanted to live his life on his own terms. Just a side note: He is a good kid, so I am not talking about anything crazy and I was not a harsh taskmaster, as everything lives in shades of gray. 

My hope and prayer is to work through these conflicts and that hearts will be unveiled and reconciliation occurs. I am brainstorming ways to stay connected without smothering while he is away. Ya'll did know that mothering is in the word smothering, right? A very fine line between the two. I long for a do-over of this past summer. God knew what we needed in having Felix, our new doggie, who brought us all together and arrived as a rescued pet one day before summer break. 

As my husband was making the long drive back home after dropping him off, I sat on the couch staring at the wall, numb and huffing deeply of this diffuser blend. The evergreens in all three of these oils grounded me as I leaned over the diffuser. It brought comfort on an earthly level. Conifers are known for supporting healthy respiration and so it was soothing to the lump in my throat as I prayed and worked through my emotions. I discovered this accidental blend when my brother in law, Douglas, passed away suddenly in October 2015. It was a comfort to me when waves of grief came upon me in fits and spurts. You can read about it on my Instagram account @momtojade with the hashtag #momtojadegrief

Actually you really can't. 

See, I was too embarrassed to share about essential oils being helpful during my times of grief. I didn't want someone to misunderstand and think an oil will solve your woes or that it brought world peace and made unicorns to frolic near rainbows. At the root was the "fear of man", I was afraid of what you would think of me. I went from blogging to hone the craft of writing for the book I felt God calling me to write to now putting that dream on hold as I move towards empowering and educating all families, especially moms {of special needs kids} on harnessing the power of plants safely to care for their health and their family's wellbeing. Now, I am locking arms with partners as we help others start their journey with essential oils. But, I don't want to be perceived as your neighborhood Avon lady (nothing wrong with that, mind you) or being thought of as pushy on social media. At some point, I had to work through all the permutations of people's possible perceptions of me and decide to walk in purpose (I feel like a Presbyterian minister with my alliteration). 

Back to my diffuser blend and grief. If you want to search my Instagram account with the hashtag "#momtojadeGrief", I have added the hashtag so you can find the grieving posts about which I speak. I debated with myself (and the unicorns) about sharing my words, but I hope my transparency will be an aid to you to enter into a place of rest, grief and forgiveness in your family or in hard relationships. The healing for me is in the writing of these words. I feel the lightness of my heart being buoyed by you all when you read these words. I also am deeply encouraged that God cares for our family.  Hey, he brought the sweetest dog at the right time when we weren't actively looking for a pet as one blessing to recount His care for us before summer break began and there are a thousand more blessings to share.

Tell me: How did you handle that first summer after college? I need your words, friends.

Email me if you have questions at jadeintheparke@gmail.com. If you read this far, I would love to share my three oils above for you to be blessed by. It is not free, but it is free for you as my gift. Please comment below (if you are new to  my brand of oils and are not already in cohorts with another lovely, crazy oil lady who adores my brand) with your email address and why you would like a free sample, my sweet friends.

*If you live in Mongolia, etc, there will be a charge for s & h. 😆


  1. You are a beautiful writer ❤️ Our kids are so different...Anna spent over half her summer back in Philly and so the transition was gradual and gave us both the time we needed for adjustments as she traveled back and forth between her two worlds. I firmly believe that girls mature at an accelerated rate during these young adult years. Boys still need their moms but don't want to admit the need....tough waters to navigate. Reflecting back on our summer, I feel like it was helpful to our relationship that Anna spent equal time away from us as she did being with us. Don't beat yourself up so much ❤️. Maybe next summer he can find a way to keep his feet in both camps...family time and time away...summer job in Boston??

    1. Thank you so much for commenting here with your experiences and perspective. I always love when you comment on my writing, btw! You make me feel I should go ahead and write that book! Ha!

  2. Thanks for sharing your emotions and thoughts so beautifully, Lita. God is so good to show us his care in tangible and unexpected ways, like these furry family members. May the Lord continue to give you clarity of heart and mind as you (and I!) process this strange new mothering territory. Love you!